Science is Knowledge but What is Love?
by Penfold66
Summary: After a conversation with Edwin Miurdan, Merlin contemplates the nature of love... Series One Episode Seven - "A remedy to cure all ills"


"You have an interest in science?" Edwin asked Merlin, who seemed enraptured by the equipment that the visiting physician had bought with him to treat Morgana's malaise.

"Science is knowledge" stated Merlin non-commitally.

"It has the answers to everything" countered Edwin, his interest in the serving boy piqued.

"Maybe" mused Merlin "...it can't explain love"

"So you are in love?" inquired Edwin, giving all his attention to Merlin.

"No" huffed Merlin with a nervous laugh, "I mean feeling - emotions"

Edwin continued adjusting the equipment as he observed, "You seem too bright to be a servant"

Merlin was quiet for a moment and smiled guilelessly before replying, "Don't be fooled, I'm not that bright"

Shortly after the conversation they loaded up with equipment and headed up to Morgana's chambers. En route Merlin silently admonished himself for speaking thus to the stranger. What was he thinking?!

The truth was, he hadn't been thinking straight for a while now, so absorbed was he with thoughts of his Master. He simply could not understand what his addled brain was up to! When he'd first met the Prince he'd wanted to slap the fellow and to knock some of that cock-sure arrogance out of him. Indeed he had tried to do exactly that and had spent time in Camelot's dungeons for his troubles. After that fateful first meeting he'd hoped never to see that sneering face again. But of course fate didn't work like that and here he was, just a few months later, in service to a man who was by turns an utter dollop head, an arrogant prat, a bully, a fierce warrior, a brave knight, ...and inexplicably the best friend that Merlin had ever known. It had been a recent - and startling - realisation that he would protect the Prince with his life not because he was duty bound to, or because the dragon said that he should but because he simply couldn't countenance the thought of life without Arthur.

And it was this last point that unsettled him so much. The Dragon had told him that it was his destiny to stand beside Arthur and that they were "two sides of the same coin". When he'd first heard the claims he had scoffed in disbelief but now he wasn't so sure...

He'd only been in Camelot as a servant for a few months but already found it difficult to remember a time when Arthur wasn't part of his life. Naturally, given his role as manservant, he spent almost all of his working day with Arthur attending to his wishes and trying to guage his mood, teasing him if he was being an arrogant prat or cheering him up if he was troubled by affairs of State. Although playing the fool was not technically part of his origional job description, Merlin felt that it was just as important a part of his duties as keeping the Royal Chambers tidy or making sure that armour and weaponry were in perfect order.

But Merlin found himself thinking about Arthur in his free time too. He'd assumed that this was normal but had spoken to the other manservants and maidservants only to find out that no, they considered their limited free time as something very precious and certainly didn't think about their masters if they could help it! Merlin thought that maybe the fact that he served a member of the Royal Household meant that he felt a little more involved with his master so he had spoken with Jethro, Uther's manservant. Jethro had looked at him askance and stated that once he had left the King's side for the day he had thoughts only for pints of mead and for Jenny who was his favourite serving wench at the Rising Sun Tavern.

His attachment to Arthur puzzled Merlin intensely. Even right back during the first week of his service when Arthur had sacked him for 'showing him up' in front of the Court after he accused Valiant of using sorcery, Merlin had been shaken to the core. Although he had remained apprenticed to Gaius and so wouldn't have had to leave Camelot, he had felt lost when Arthur had let him go. It wasn't as if he'd even much LIKED the Prince at that point - but he still felt empty and rudderless when he thought that he would no longer be able to remain at the Prince's side. His heart had leapt when Arthur sought him out at the feast after the tournament and had not only apologised but also given him back his job. He'd been so happy that he could have hugged the arrogant sod!

The thought of losing Arthur terrified his servant. Although it was one of Arthur's most attractive qualities, Merlin despaired sometimes of his master's bravery. There had been too many moments in the last few months when Arthur might have been killed by this seeming obliviousness to his own mortality. By Valiant in that first tournament, or by the Afanc in the Cisterns under the city, or out in the courtyard whilst facing the Griffen...the list seemed endless! Merlin wondered if Arthur had always been thus and if so, how he'd managed to survive so long! More than once Merlin had re-lived one of these near death scenarios in his dreams and had woken with a start, heart pounding and sweating and calling Arthur's name.

He wondered what Gaius must think of that...

It had only been very recently that he had begun to identify his feelings for his master as love. It'd really begun with the whole episode of the Poisioned Chalice. Of course he'd rushed to drink the tainted wine in Arthur's stead because he was a servant and because the Dragon had said that Arthur must live and become the greatest King that Albion had ever known. What he never expected in a thousand years however was that the Prince would react as he did and would subsequently risk his OWN life to save Merlin's! Merlin didn't remember much about the feverish days he spent under the influence of the poison of the Morteus flower. He'd been delerious most of the time but vaguely remembered seeing the Prince in his mind's eye riding alone into the unknown and facing danger time after time. In his delerium he'd somehow also been able to feel something of Arthur's emotional state and it was this insight into the Prince's psyche that had lit the flame of love within his servant. More strongly than any other emotion he'd felt Arthur's desperation at the prospect of Merlin dying; even stronger than anger at being double-crossed by Nimueh, or panic when he hung to the cliff face in a pitch black cave. Whatever fate had flung at the Prince, his overwhelming thought had been, "I must get back and save Merlin, he must not die".

Merlin was astounded that anybody would risk so much for him, let alone the future King!

Having admitted to himself that yes, he did indeed love Arthur, Merlin wondered what kind of love this form took. Was it brotherly love like that which he saw between the Prince and his most trusted Knights? He knew for sure that he would give his life to protect his Master and Arthur had proved the same in return. But, Merlin pondered, he thought it might go deeper than that. He really did think about the Prince pretty much ALL the time, and more and more found his eyes lingering on the physical attributes of the man. There was no denying that the Prince was exremely easy on the eye - nobody in the Kingdom would dispute this fact - but Merlin more and more found himself mesmerised by the man. He could (and often did!) watch for hours as Arthur trained with the Knights, marvelling at the graceful powerful dance as they swung swords and lances. He was often entranced by the play of muscles across the Prince's shoulders and back as he helped bathe his master. Once or twice when he had entered Arthur's bed chamber to wake him in the morning he had been so overwhelmed at the angelic beauty of Arthur's face in sleep, all dusty golden hair and full lips slightly parted, that his heart had leapt into his throat and his breath had caught. It was becoming harder and harder not to reach out to stroke that hair...

And those eyes. Stunningly blue, framed by golden lashes and the greatest indicators of Arthur's mood. Merlin was hypnotised by them, drawn to them and felt his heart racing whenever the Prince returned his gaze - which lately seemed to be quite often. It unsettled Merlin because he felt that they were searching deep into his soul and reading his thoughts...and he wondered what Arthur would make of some of the thoughts that he'd been having lately!

As they approached Morgana's room, Merlin heaved a heavy sigh. Science may be knowledge, as Edwin had said, but what the HELL was love and what was he going to do with it?


End file.
